When it comes to infertility its something you never would expect to go through. Once it hits you its something you have to go with and learn as you go along.
A long time ago when I was about 10 playing with dolls and my dollhouses my visions were different of how things should be. You play with Barbie and Ken they get married, live in a big house, buy a sports car, have a baby and they live happily ever after. There might have been an occasional vacation, haircut or wardrobe change but you get the point.
When you finally meet the right person to settle down with in your early years or of reproductive age, you think it will go as played above in Barbie and Ken's life. Wrong! Dead wrong! Yes, you now have the right person but what plays out next is the unexpected..... you get married pay for your own wedding on middle class salaries, you buy a handyman special (will never do that again) but you own a home not a dollhouse, you have two cars, some money in the bank and boom it hits you, let's have a baby!
Not so fast, you try to have a baby like most do naturally, years go by and now making love is like a new part time job but your not getting paid for it, your soon to be paying out of pocket for the things that are supposed to happen naturally. So years go by and both our clocks are ticking and yes you turn to assistance.....ART - help me conceive a child! You go in skeptical still thinking it will happen naturally. Now you really are going in too deep, first IUI, then IVF, freezing of embryos, pregnancy loss and then the chain starts all over again. Bet you didn't see that coming. Co-payment after co-payment after medication co-payments and extras not covered by insurance your now in over your head. Yes, the insurance covering the treatments is a great plus as many pay all out of pocket but don't let the co-payments fool you they add up with the extras and more extras.
So now you are in debt - "IVF DEBT" but you still are able to get up and say today could be the day. Finally, it is the day you get the phone call the one that you once dreaded and it is now the one you want to pick up but you send it to voicemail. "You're pregnant"! From all the negative and failures you endured you now have a happy moment. But of course you are scared to death to look back at how did I even make it here or this far.
So now yes you give birth to a healthy child, you are completely overjoyed in another world of IVF the other side of the fence. Now you watch the days pass by so quickly, your child is now growing up and developing you wish only the best for them and need to be able to provide for them the best that you can after all this. During this time you fail at other things but its okay until you actually realize at what point does all this fall into place or make sense.
I sit and wonder how will I be able to do everything for him. I need him to grow into an adult. Even though adults do fail we only want what's best for our children. Will he be a good man and have a family of his own someday? Hopefully he doesn't have to go through the things we did to have him. Will he go to college? Will we be able to afford to send him to college? Will we be able to buy him a car? Will we as parents be able to do everything for him with teaching him values and responsibility? I think these things to myself every night, mind you he is only four but he will be grown before I know it, I need to prepare now for the unexpected!
It's not a perfect Barbie & Ken life it's our life it's our journey of how we made a beautiful child through all the ups and downs of IVF. It's our perfect life! Infertility is reality for so many. Do you think like I do?
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