Men express their emotions in different ways but deep down inside it tears them up inside. On a day like Father’s Day it will cause them more pain than you know. Their pain comes from just looking at the one that they love, knowing that they cannot make it all ok! Try not to compare the feelings of Mother’s Day verses Father’s Day, try to understand and support his feelings. Don’t get me wrong yes, going through infertility there have many times that I wanted to just take my husband and shake him until he gets how I felt but never did he ever express fully how he felt. Maybe it was because he couldn’t express himself or he thought that if I knew how he felt I would look at him differently. As a couple work together on communicating your feelings with each other this will help with the pressures of infertility. This is not just for Father’s Day but for every day that you continue this difficult journey.
Take this time to celebrate him, make him feel confident and give him that hope you try to keep in your mind. Men need to feel special too, just like we want flowers or candy or a simple, “you look pretty”, let them have it on this day!
This Father’s Day try to focus being a couple, yes we know you want to talk about how you wish that you could celebrate Father’s Day as a Father, but try not to focus too much on that this day. Be positive and choose your words wisely. Talk to him in a positive manner making him believe that your time will come, he will be a Dad and you will be a Mom. Unfortunately, you will not be able to dodge the bullet. There will be kids and families everywhere. Children running around and you will hear the word Daddy throughout the day- but try to block that out and love each other even if it means going to a baseball game or a man movie or hanging in the man cave playing pool or mowing the lawn. Make the day all about him putting your feelings aside one day.
Men don’t prepare themselves as well as women so don’t freak out on him if you hear him say something out of line or stupid at a Father’s Day gathering. Things will come up and the comments will fly. He might need to say something stupid to get someone off their back. Remember, men are not going to run to the bathroom to cry like we would. They might get sucked into a conversation with a brother or sister that are complaining about how bad their kids are and say, “So glad I don’t have to deal with kids, it’s just us”. He really doesn’t mean that it’s just something that he said to detour the attention on him- that was a trick to see if he would react. He reacts in a manly manner. So don’t look at him crazy, take it with a grain of salt and talk about it later alone. He is uncomfortable too when he is asked questions and the comments affect them differently. They go on the defense but act so cool that you really think he meant it. Us women could never do that we would go crazy or cry.
Most men need to feed off of others, grow their confidence from competition. So let them gain their confidence levels on their own pace with your help. Give them the hope and strength that you as women have built up from talking to others or attending online support groups. It is hard for a man to think that they have to tell someone what is going on in their mind. Maybe plan a gathering with a few couples go to a bar restaurant and have some drinks/cocktails to release the stress of the approaching holiday. If you have those dreaded family gatherings to attend and you will be around nieces and nephews, enjoy the kids, love them and know that someday you will be a Daddy too. Don’t punish the kids they need their Uncle. Kids in their own way look up to you as if you are already a Daddy! An Uncle is the first step in the journey to Fatherhood! Every man that puts his mind to something will succeed, even if it’s something that you feel like it is expected of you. The day will be over before you know and maybe next year it will be your year – Happy Father’s Day!
The picture above is my husband and my son on his first Father’s Day. The day never meant so much that he actually smiled for a picture and didn’t tell me, “Come on another picture”. It was a proud moment for him. I never thought a man can glow. After six years of infertility, a pregnancy loss and many painful years of uncertainty here is my husband shining with his rainbow! Take this picture as a sense of hope for all you “Dad’s in waiting” it does happen and believe that your day will come.
This post is part of Laughing-is-Conceivable Blog by Lori Shandle-Fox’s. LET'S BOUNCE show your support for the Father's Day Bounce-Around. See all the Bounce Around Father’s Day posts below:
Blog #1 “Laughing IS Conceivable”
Blogger: Okay, this is me, Lori Shandle-Fox
I’m a former stand-up comic & infertility survivor.
Post: “It’s All in the Wrist aka I Know What YOU Just Did”
This post is an excerpt from my new ebook: Laughing IS Conceivable: One Woman’s Extremely Funny Peek into the Extremely Unfunny World of Infertility.
This post emphasizes the husband’s part in this whole sordid infertility treatment business.
Post Link: http://laughingisconceivable.com
Blog #2: “Parenthood For Me”
Blogger: Erica Walther Schlaefer, Rochester NY area, USA
Erica is President and Founder of Parenthood For Me- a non-profit organization whose mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those building families through adoption or medical intervention.
Post: This post was written by a man named “Sam”. He discusses his bout with infertility and how he and his wife finally got their child.
Link: http://parenthoodforme.blogspot.com/2011/01/factor-in.html
Blog #3: Baby Manifest-O
Blogger: Helen Adrienne, New York, USA
Licensed Certified Social Worker and certified hypnotherapist- Also a general therapist who specializes in infertility counseling, couples counseling for infertility, mind/body stress reduction for infertility and gynecological and reproductive issues.
Post: “News Men Can Use”
Helen discusses how something from a man’s past may be still hurting him today… and affecting how he deals with the whole “infertile couple” issue.
Post Link:http://mind-body-unity.com/the-baby-manifest-o/
Blog#4 Fertility Lab Insider
Blogger: Carole Wegner PH.D, North Carolina, USA
Post: Sure, we can gab all day about infertility and men. But now we’re going to hear from a scientist. In this post, Carole discusses an important part of the male reproductive system that you may not even be aware of. (I definitely wasn’t)
Post Link: http://fertilitylabinsider.com/2012/06/epididymis/
Blog#5 “A Childless World”
Blogger: Hans Morse, Sydney Australia
Hans Morse has had a varied career and after 7 years working as an Australian Federal Police Officer and other protection agency roles, Hans moved to a career in sales & marketing.
Post: Okay, I’m cheating here a little. Hans isn’t really a blogger but he did write an entire book about his experiences of going through infertility with his wife, Corinne. And on his site, he offers some good man-to-man advice for husbands as well as friends.
Post Link: http://achildlessworld.com/6.html
Blog#6: Fertility Wellness Group
Bloggers: Diana Palmentiero & Lenore C. Pranzo, Connecticut, USA
Diana Palmentiero helps other women who are having fertility issues just as she did with both of her children. She has experience with secondary infertility, acupuncture, meditation, qi-gong and pre and post natal yoga. She is also a Certified Wellness Coach.
Lenore C. Pranzo has a background in substance abuse, mental health and adolescent counseling. She has a Masters degree from Fairfield University in Marriage and Family Therapy. Due to her difficulty getting pregnant she utilized western medicine and eastern medicine (including acupuncture) to conceive her twins.
Post: “At Father’s Day, What About the Men?”
In this post, Diana looks back at her own childless Father’s Day to remind us not to forget about the husbands.
Post Link:http://fertilitywellnessgroup.com/2012/06/11/at-fathers-day-what-about-the-men-are-they-lost-in-the-fertility-story/
Blog#7: “Secret Infertility Hope”
Blogger: Fran Meadows, Greater NYC area, USA
Fran is an Infertility Advocate at RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and Author of The Truth Behind The Secret “Infertility”
Post: “Father’s Day for All…No Exclusions”
This post is for men… but there are some important notes for the women who live with and love them also.
Post Link: http://www.secretinfertility.com/articles.html
Blog#8: Thierry-health.com
Blogger: Thierry Clerc, Cambridge, United Kingdom
Thierry is a homeopath and nutritional consultant. He is fully registered for the practice of homeopathy, biofeedback analysis, and therapies based on herbs, nutrition and life-style.
Post: “Why ‘Will-be Daddy’ Needs to Take Care of His Health As Well”
Thierry gives insight into the increasing problems of male infertility and also provides an informative link to an article that breaks it all down.
Post Link: http://www.thierry-health.com/homeopathy7_041.htm
Blog#9 ETCM Fertility
Blogger: Jane Johnson, Fertility Therapist, United Kingdom
Jane is a professional acupuncturist and herbalist as well as an accomplished Yoga therapist who specialises in Fertility issues and women’s health.
Post: “Infertility: Men, 10 Times Easier to Treat?”
Jane discusses in this post, why male infertility patients are easier for acupuncturists to treat than female…if you can get them to make an appointment that is.
Post Link: http://etcm.co.uk/blog/?p=430
