Do The Questions Ever Stop, Even After Infertility?

        "Are you going to start a family?" "When are you going to have another kid"? "How many kids do you have"? So many questions that come from strangers, people you meet in the supermarket, at the park or at church - when does the questioning stop? What gives people the right to think that its their business to get deep and personal. Yes, the questions might seem harmless, an icebreaker or something but guess it never does end.
This sensitive button hits me hard going back to when people would ask, "When are you going to have kids"? or "Why aren't your pregnant?" and so on. Yes, seems like its okay to ask but my opinion, NO, IT"S NOT! Go back to being a teenager and you would be asked, "Do you have a boyfriend"? or "Did you have sex yet"? Those awkward years have passed and I still feel like the questions never stop. Next phase of life and you hear, "Have you met someone (The One) you want to spend your life with"?

Now more time has passed and yes you have found the one you want to marry and spend your life with. "When are you getting engaged"? Really, yes really, there is a question for everything that surrounds life and its big expectations. You'r now engaged, "Did you set a date for your wedding"? As soon as you walk down that aisle and you are enjoying your moment as a new bride & groom, yes it already comes out of someone's mouth - "So when are you going to start popping out those kids, on your honeymoon maybe"? Yes, the long interrogation asked in many different ways and for several different years as soon as that wedding band is placed on your finger. Not many newlyweds think to themselves that it will be like a jail sentence counting first the months, then the years, wondering to yourself, "Why are we not pregnant"? See how weird that is, the questions even come out of your mouth but you also answer yourself or come up with many excuses.

Then the questions come out differently as the years of being married and you have no kids yet. "Are you having a problem getting pregnant"? or "Have you even been trying"? At this point you are extremely sensitive to the questioning and have a hard time trying not to jump over a table and choke that person but you become numb to it or have armed yourself with quick answers. If the questioning wasn't bad enough I'm sure many of you have got the question then someone said right after it, "We weren't even trying and became pregnant". Put a knife in my heart now.

Well, that is what brings me to writing this article. I was at the park today with my son, yes my son who was born almost nine years after we walked down the aisle, several years after struggling with infertility and after the loss of a child. Nobody knows all that by just meeting me and talking to me at a park but you think they can see right through you. I met a Mom in the park, not knowing anything about her either. She was nice the kids were playing nicely together. They were the same age too. It was nice to get out and meet other Moms but then the questions came, "So you only have the one"? "Are you going to have anymore"? This was all in one breath. I couldn't help but laugh and turn away, wanting to mumble something under my breath but controlled it and said, "Right now we are happy and if it happens then that will be great". Does that have I had problems getting pregnant all over it answer? She turned to me and then said, "Well, he seems very active, so I guess right now one is just fine". Now she's judging my kid! Ugh, it's so hard to not refer back to the pain that you endured to bring your child into the world. At this point I was not about to go into my story, I didn't feel the connection. We continued to watch our children play nicely, enjoy the sun and the conversations after all the questioning came to an end and went our separate ways.

It still bothers me about the way people feel the need to question you when they don't even know you. They might not be judging you but once you've been through any fertility treatments, success or not, you have that sense of sensitivity to questions. That is why I only can suggest that you take all the things that are thrown at you, comments and all; find your inner strength to move forward and rise above it all!